somewhat settled in, but still trying to make the nest a home

The long move has finally come to an end and for the most part we are moved in to my brother-in-law's spacious home. Though I find myself still rather unsettled, I have yet to find a new job, and so we are just barely getting by, thank goodness for a rent free abode with a plenty of free ameneties.
Still it sucks having such a low balance on my bank account. I had a couple of good job prospects, one especially nice one at barnes & noble but apparently I did not meet their high standards. You would think over 7 years working at a library would be qualification enough...I mean selling books can't be any different than renting them out. Oh well, the search continues for some kind of clean desk job, maybe I don't look appealing on paper...who knows, I just hope the call comes soon, a part time coffee attendent is even looking good right now.
But enough about that, in other news, the journey to get to this point was rather stressful, I am in no rush to go through it again. It's amazing how even the simplest plans go awry, I had planned to quit my previous job April 29,two weeks before the move, to get the Burrow all packed up, but of course, being that I apparently, had the most stressful job in Moscow, my replacement quit after two weeks of training. So they managed to find lucky replacement number 2 April 24th, but she was still working 2 part time jobs so she couldn't even start until the second week of May, the second week of may also being my original 2nd week of packing plan. So because I am too nice I offered to stay on until she started to keep the office afloat and to do some training. Which led to nearly four days of 12 hour shifts leading up to my final work day on the 11th of May, just a day before the invasion of my in-laws.
Not a happy time for me to the say the least, I was so tired, and my natural ability to gather & store things away was not something I was proud of at that time, because come to find out we had a lot of crap squirreled away in that small rental, admitedly it was close to 4 years worth of stuff but still it was daunting to witness it all being boxed up.
Than to top it all off, on the 13th of May, my husband finally walked across the stage in his cap & gown, along with my closest friend. I had hoped that this would have been a happier day for me, but it was just draining. In the midst of all the packing I had to sit through some boring speeches & try to locate my husband in the stream of other black capped graduates. Than I had to run across campus moments after my husband's graduation to see my friend's graduation, which was very sad to witness, because she was also moving away to Montana with her husband & kids. So it was really our last outing together. She even sat with me during Big Nose's graduation.
And of course we will still talk online & on the phone and her parents live in Twin Falls (where we relocated to) so she will be visiting at some point. But still it sucks to know that I can't just call her up to meet for coffee whenever.
I have discovered over the years that I don't make for a very good long distant friend. The task of trying to communicate all the little daily details that are so easy to say in person just don't translate well in writing or over the phone for me. I just end up missing the person more, hating the fact that we are not right next to each. I feel like I'm talking to ghosts that I don't always believe are there. Probably why my relationship with God is so faded, you just need to see who you are talking to now & again.
Anywho, after parting with my best friend, I went back to my soon to be former home, to see it being speedily emptied. I should be thankful that my in-laws were so kind to come up all the way from southern Idaho to see BN's graduation and help us move, but the fact that, for whatever reasons, it had to be all done in one day was just too much for me to witness. It seemed all my plans were thrown out the window, I had planned to make dinner for everyone that day & had bought all the ingredients and even started some of the prep work only to find out minutes before that it was no longer needed because they wanted to pack up everything & it just made more sense to them to eat out.
Which ultimately was fine, but I just hated wasting so much time preparing for that final dinner in my old house only to be told to scrap it at the last minute.
The same thing actually happened today/yesterday. My in-laws had a father's day BBQ & I offered to make a dish, I ended up choosing to do a chinese steamed rice, I stayed up all morning prepping ingredients because I also had a lunch BBQ with my family to attend, so I planned to put the rice together just before my in-laws BBQ, but by the time it was ready they had already ate & were on to eating dessert. Less than a hour after the party was suppose to start. I didn't even go to the dinner party, BN was already there with our car & I was home alone (my mom had dropped me off) without a car to even go back to family's party which was still going on. It just felt like a such a wasted effort for nothing. Sure I could have called BN to come pick me up, but since the party seemed over it just didn't make sense to show up so late & hear all the teasing comments. And what's the point in bringing a sidedish (a perfectly turned out sidedish too no less) when everyone had eaten already. I just would have felt like tardy loser.
But back to the move where I didn't end up feeling that way, instead I felt worse, so much was happening so quickly and there was so many people packed into our little place, I felt like I couldn't really relax with them all there. And at some point I realized I really needed to just be alone & cry, which is what I did minus the alone part. Fortunately, only my husband & my mother-in-law were witness's to my breakdown. One person less would have been nicer, because my mom-in-law though nice is just someone I don't like being emotional around, actually I don't like being emotional around anyone, it's just too personal of an experience. Most people (my mlaw included) instantly want to know the reason why, they want to be able to place blame somewhere (my mlaw guessed it was the change in dinner plans & tried to console me by saying how we could do it some other time, like I wanted to think about planning out another dinner at that moment) and I find I just want to be alone to get over it on my own, usually I blame it on a personal weakness. Like if I didn't care so much about such situations I could just be okay about it....
Eventually all of our apartment was packed up onto my inlaw's trailer and we waved it goodbye on the 14th. We stayed an extra day to clean up and turn our keys in. It was nice to finally deal with one thing at our pace and know that there wasn't much need for rushing. Our stuff made it down intaked, and after a very hot, long drive, (an air conditioner would have been a good investment) we made it down in our little car, Pez. I doubt we will ever take it on that long of a trip again, but it definitly proved it's worth.
So after much unpacking I find myself at this point staring out my bedroom window at a darkened pre-dawn canyon, hearing the snores of my husband whose been on a 12-20 hour study schedule the last few weeks preparing for the bar next month.
We had a nice few weeks getting rested, celebrating our 2nd wedding aniversary, visiting family and such. We got to witness the drama of my brother-in-law's divorce up close, which I have to say is worthy of a soap opera. We reside in his house, which also feels the pain of the divorce, since almost every room is in mid-remolding.
I have also had many eyewitness encounters with the wildlife of this area. Deer walk calmly across our driveway & front lawn routinely. Small insect eating bats fly above the canyon in our back yard at dusk every night. Owls seem to be house hunting now in the area, much like the many Californians that have migrated to our state over the last couple years.
I can see a bit of sun coming up and the sugar from my ice tea is starting to wear off. Sleep is calling, stay tuned for further headlines.